NomDebPlume's 2½ Cents

Because I have an opinion about everything…

Archive for the month “November, 2015”

Insult to Injury / Illness

If I read one more person lament about being unable to gain weight because of their Crohn’s Disease, I will very likely scream out loud to the point where I will frighten my neighbors.  There is most definitely a benefit to the several online support groups I visit; other patients can share information and consolation in ways most doctors just can’t, and that really helps.

In a recent thread started by a woman who wanted to know if anyone else couldn’t lose weight, despite the disease restricting her ability to eat, the comments started coming in fast and furious.  As someone who deals with this same problem, I felt less alone in my struggle when I saw how many others really know the pain and frustration I feel daily.  It’s not a “misery loves company” thing, really – it’s more an “I’m not the only one (a freak)” feeling that makes me feel a bit better.

What does not help is a person showing up to the thread adding their comments about how they are 5’9″ and only 115 pounds.  So, basically, you’re complaining that your height and weight is similar to that of a Super Model??  And, let me see if I understand: you consider this is a freakin’ problem?  Question: Does the inability to gain weight [so you can stop resembling a Super Model] also eliminate your ability to realize it is inappropriate and most certainly NOT helpful for you to share this in a thread where the rest of us are commiserating about our complete failure at losing any weight?  Why not contribute to the person who commented about how utterly horrible it is to have people continually tell them, “you really need to eat more” because she DOES eat normally, but just cannot gain weight.  “They just don’t understand.”  There was a whole whine-fest going on over there and you’d fit right in.  Courtesy: http://femaleimagemedia.blogspot.ca/2008/11/model-behavior.html

Here’s the thing that really upsets me: in our society, your “underweight-ness” is completely acceptable – praised, appreciated and envied, even.  Until a person literally looks like a skeleton, they are considered attractive (even then, you might find walking skeletons on runways during Fashion Week).

But for those of us who are bloated from steroids and other harsh medications, overweight from a diet that restricts fruits, vegetables & other complex carbs (Oh, my kingdom for a salad!), out of shape because this disease combined with the side-effects of all the drugs that keep us alive and out of the hospital [for now] drain us of so much of our energy that we can only do what we absolutely have to… and even that is sometimes impossible.  Us?  No, we’re not attractive.  We’re not understood.  We are quickly and thoughtlessly judged, labeled as “fat and lazy”, with an underlying implication that we are also stupid.

We may be fat, but we are not lazy, and certainly not stupid.  We are at war with our bodies and at war with Crohn’s Disease just as much as much as our thin, attractive, socially acceptable counterparts, dealing with all the same horrors this disease has brought into our lives — only, we deal with more.  We also live with societal stigma and the butt of even more jokes: Fat jokes are always funny, right?  Just like bathroom humor.

When It Hurts

When it hurts, I pray.  Most times, I can feel a perspective shift in my mind and spirit, taking my attention off what is bothering me and turning it to something that reminds me of all that God has done and given to me, and I feel thankful.

Sometimes, I only need to look out my window.

20151030_092948  20151030_093012

Autumn 2015

Unfortunately, yesterday was not such a day.

But His mercies are new every morning, so today offers another chance to get it right.

NaBloPoMo 2015

…one day late (and “a dollar short”, no doubt).

But you know what?  That’s what life is like when one has a chronic illness, so I’m just gonna have to get over my perfection-seeking self and be ok with that.

NaBloPoMo is National Blog Posting Month.  30 posts in 30 days.  It’s a commitment.  It’s scary.  But I’ve been wanting to get back to blogging for quite a while and this is the perfect motivator.

…One day at a time…

I can’t believe my last post was in 2009.  And I even find it a bit difficult to recognize myself in some of my way-back-when musings.  Life is so different now.

After leaving NomDebPlume by the wayside, I began another blog where I wrote honestly and anonymously about how chronic illness changes things – for me, yes… but also for my whole family.  And then, almost 4 years ago, I stopped writing altogether.  I barely even write in my journal anymore (a compilation of the last 38 years of my life and, needless to say, a joy to read :-/ ).

Why?  Because on the morning after Easter, 2012, my daughter was rushed to the hospital with what I would soon learn was called Severe Diabetic Ketoacidosis… which was especially weird because she had not been diabetic her whole 10 years of life. How does a child go from “healthy/not diabetic” to “keep asking her questions so she doesn’t fall asleep… we don’t want her to slip into a coma”.

Coma?? What the WHAT?!?

Life Lion Helicopter

It was in those hospital moments, those ambulance moments, those watch-my-daughter-fly-to-a-better-hospital-in-a-helicopter moments, the watching her cry and being unable to soothe her – those moments – that MY chronic illness(es) suddenly melted into the background and I began my constant and laser focus on learning everything I could about Type 1 Diabetes and how to best care for my beloved child whose life had been turned upside down by its diagnoses.  And I learned to step out – way out – of my comfort zone and actually give my daughter injections.  (To know me is to know how very, VERY difficult this was for me to overcome.)

But Sunday will be 3 years and 7 months since that terrifying day, and things are less terrifying now.  And I guess I’ve [finally] given myself permission to do something I have always loved – write.  I can’t promise it won’t be without some accompanying guilt, but I think the accountability aspect of NaBloPoMo will help me get past that.
I hope :-)

Coincidentally, November is also National Diabetes Awareness Month.  I shouldn’t have any trouble finding something to write about for the next 29 days.

National Diabetes Month

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