Revived

I have been home from the hospital for 3 weeks and have still not written a word about it.  Sure, “writing” probably doesn’t occur to most people after 55 days in the hospital – including a Rehabilitation hospital afterwards to address the atrophy in my muscles after such a long time in a hospital bed.  But I am a writer – not for money, not for notoriety, but because that’s just what I do.  Why not just write my thoughts in my journal?  Well, because for a while now, I’ve felt like the Lord has been telling me to write.  Specifically, to blog.  Even before my hospital visit, it was this recurring message that kept whispering in my ear, but my thoughts responded with “I don’t have anything interesting to say”, or “I’ll get to it when I have something good to write about”.

Imagine responding to the God of the universe in such a way.  I believed it was Him, and still I basically ignored His instruction because… well, because I thought I knew better, apparently.  I was only interested in giving lip-service, and cultivating a relationship with Jesus that was satisfied by spending a certain amount of time each day reading the Bible and praying.  You know, “following the rules”.

But God is not about following rules and punching a clock with our Bible reading and prayer time – or any other perceived requisite behavior, for that matter.  While I am quick to tell anyone who will listen that I am not a fan of organized religion and enjoy a relationship with Jesus Christ – Did I really?

Being in the hospital made me a weak and captive audience for all God wanted to tell me and teach me while I was there.  The total dependence that He wants from us was something I couldn’t avoid if I had wanted to.  At the same time, I learned so much more about grace, mercy and how much the Lord loves me.  At one point, I was so close to dying that my family rushed to the hospital at 4am to say ‘goodbye’ and gathered together in the waiting room, fervently praying while I nearly bled to death.

There were whole churches praying for me, locally and scattered around the East Coast wherever I have loved ones attending.  It is a completely humbling experience to be the recipient of this kind of love and concern.  And there is something so real and tangible about the Lord showing His mercy and allowing me to live!  I feel like my life started anew on May 21, 2019, and I want to make the most of this opportunity.

So, what am I going to do with this second chance?  For starters, when God tells me to write, I’m going to write.  First I’m going to pray, and then I’m going to trust Him to give me the words and use them for His purpose and His glory.  I will ask Him to silence the control freak and perfectionist in me and just do what He asks.

When I read and pray now, it doesn’t feel at all like following any self-imposed rules [of what a “good Christian” would do], it feels like I’m sitting down to coffee with my Best Friend.  He speaks to me through His Word and I speak to Him through my prayers.  It’s a lot like… what’s the word I’m looking for?  …A relationship.

 

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.  Proverbs 18:24 (NIV)